Deciding Without Second-Guessing

As the cold light from your screen glows in the dark, pros and cons multiply, and your chest tightens like a fist. You choose, then un‑choose, and search for one more article to silence the unease. This is decision fatigue: too many inputs, thinning attention, and rising doubt. The Ignatian Examen for decision‑making offers a gentle, reliable way to move from overthinking to peace, and to reduce second-guessing after you choose.

     Decision fatigue drains judgment; noise floods the signal. In Ignatian discernment, we also attend to interior movements. Spiritual consolation shows up as growing gratitude, blooming joy, deeper connection, and energy to do the good. Spiritual desolation feels cramped, confused, heavy, or hopeless. These are not moral verdicts; they’re navigational cues learned over time.

     Your goal isn’t a perfect choice; it’s freedom to choose the best in your present moment. The Examen, Ignatius’s reflective prayer of discernment, can be adapted for decisions so your head, heart, and body are in conversation. You’ll name the options, notice consolation/desolation, and let clarity for your decision grow into peace.

     The Ignatian Decision Examen (12–15 minutes):

Use this when a real choice is in front of you (Option A/Option B; proceed/wait). Time‑limit it. Gentle honesty beats forced certainty.

1) Ground - Sit back. Three slow breaths. Name two sensations, one lower-body and one upper-body (tight throat, anxious toes, etc.). Soften the tight place by 5%. Settling clears static, so movements are easier to notice.

2) Ask for light - In your words: “Divine, shine kindly on this decision. Help me notice what leads toward life and love.”

3) Name the real options - Write them plainly, a job offer, for example: “A: Accept and go.” “B: Accept and do both, C: Decline and stay.” Keep it simple and concrete.

4) Review inner movements - Hold Option A for 30–60 seconds. Imagine long-term. What arises: spaciousness, quiet energy, gratitude, or constriction, drain, despondency? - Do the same with Option B. Note, don’t judge.

5) Name the story - Complete: “If I choose A, I imagine…,” “If I choose B, I fear…” Flag fear‑fiction, and catastrophes running ahead of facts.

6) Imaginative test‑drive - “Live” one ordinary day with A: What is your morning tone, midday energy, evening conversation? Notice consolation/desolation. Release it. - Repeat with B. This draws on Ignatian imaginative prayer so your heart can feel what your head keeps debating.

7) Clarify values and desire - In one sentence: Which option better serves my deepest, enduring desire for good: for me, for those entrusted to me, and for the wider world? Name it simply (truthfulness, stewardship, service, creativity, presence).

8) Choose for now - Make a provisional choice. Hold it in quiet for 60–90 seconds. Notice your “interior movements”: steadier breath, a small settling, or a spike of dread. Consolation often feels like quiet peace, freedom, gratitude, and life‑energy; desolation feels cramped, confused, disconnected, or urgent.

9) Posture of freedom (Ignatian indifference) - If you sense grasping, people‑pleasing, or fear steering, simply name it: “I notice I’m clinging.” Ask for a freer heart. Freedom, not pressure, is the sign you’re moving toward life-giving discernment.

10) Commit the next right step - Choose one concrete action (send the email, ask two clarifying questions, set a meeting). Time‑box a review in 24–72 hours. This protects you from endless reconsidering and helps stop second-guessing.

11) Post‑decision peace check - After ordinary life resumes (sleep, a walk, some work), re-notice consolation and desolation. If you’re in a spell of desolation (heaviness, confusion, frantic urgency), avoid reversing the decision. Wait for clearer weather; then recheck. If simple peace, freedom, and gratitude grow, even with some mixed feelings, that’s meaningful confirmation.

     Maya held two offers. Option A offered better compensation and advanced her title; Option B paid less at a mission-driven org she admired. Here is what the process looked like for her:

- Ground: Warm mug; shoulders drop a notch.

- Ask for light: “Help me notice what leads toward life and love.”

- Name options: A (accept higher offer); B (accept mission role).

- Inner movements: A brings excitement and a tight throat; B brings quiet energy and easier breath.

- Story check: “If I choose A, I imagine I’ll finally be secure, but fear says sprint now or be left behind. If I choose B, I fear I’ll look small.”

- Imaginative test‑drive: An A‑day feels buzzy, late emails, brittle dinner talk. A B‑day feels steady, a good tired, a kinder tone.

- Clarify desire: “Sustainability and service, with room for craft.” - Choose for now: B. Sitting with it, her chest softens.

- Posture of freedom: She names a tug to prove herself and asks for freedom from approval‑chasing.

- Next right step: Accept B; set a six-month review with herself.

- Peace check: Two days later, gratitude is simple and steady. Some grief for the salary—named and held—doesn’t disturb deeper peace.

The process is simple and lightweight, but be gentle with yourself in it:

- If anxiety spikes or you feel spiritually “in the dark” (desolation), delay non-urgent choices. Rest and return.

- Do not use this process when safety is at risk or in abusive contexts; prioritize protection and appropriate help.

- If trauma patterns dominate (panic, shutdown, looping dread), consider partnering with a trauma-informed therapist for this process. 

The Ignatian Examen for decision‑making isn’t a trick to force certainty; it’s a way to let your clarity ripen into peace. I understand spiritual direction to be the guided practice of discovering how the Divine in one’s inner world directs daily life, and learning to choose interior movements that lead to clarity, gratitude for life, and wholeness. Practiced this way, discernment helps you move through decision fatigue and stop second-guessing, one grounded choice at a time.

     Try the Decision Examen on one real choice this week. Notice what shifts in your breath, your tone, and your next right step. If this helped, subscribe for more contemplative tools for a meaningful life.

Live and Lead with Soul,

     Ben Shoup